21/07/2013 We Can Live Without “Subtitles” or “Screen Enlarge”, But Not “Play”…
WE’VE got a problem with the DVD remote and I’m not sure it can be resolved.
It’s been faulty for six months, but like I said to the Mother Superior: “We’re not buying another.”
The kids can rough it in 2013 – life’s tough in da Hood.
All the other buttons work except ‘Play’ – which is just abbbbb-sooooo-lutely spiffing.
We can live without Subtitles or Screen Enlarge, but not Play.
I could sit down there, next to the DVD, waiting for all the adverts to pass and then just press the Play button on the box when the main film menu comes on.
But this is war. If I do that the remote has ‘won’. More minutes of my life sacrificed to machines.
Sometimes the remote works, sometimes it doesn’t – it’s sneaky see. It depends what angle you use to attack it.
The Praying Mantis seems to work. That and The Crane technique like at the end of Karate Kid.
The Mother Superior prefers surprise.
Creeping up on the box with the remote in her hand and her back low – a stabbing, goring action, almost like invisible fencing.
On occasions, I’ve caught sight of myself in the mirror.
I’ve noticed my ‘PlayStation tongue’ has popped out. That’s the one that appears sometimes when I’m over concentrating.
Before you start pitching in with advice, gained by years of experience no doubt, yessss we’ve checked the batteries and noooo we can’t get the back off.
Despite my impressive 99-piece set in the shed, the remote has been secured using the World’s Smallest Screwdriver.
Screwdriver 100 perhaps? They do it just to mess with your mind.
Time was you could have bobbed out to Radio Rentals for a new remote where a local man would disappear in the back and come back out with one in a box.
“Sorry, we don’t actually hold stock here. Our regional sub-supplier may do but I’m not sure. All you need to do Mr Butcher is contact our customer service people . . . in Bangalore . . . by Facebook.”
First published in The Westmorland Gazette: 18/7/2013
Tags: 2013, Broken DVD remote, Cumbria, DVD remote broken, Ellis Butcher blog, Lake District, Lake District blog, Problems with the DVD remote, The Westmorland Gazette, the world's smallest screwdriver